My Paranoia Comes to an End

Admit it. You too have become paranoid about that Mayan End of the World thing. Whenever there's a doomsday prediction, I can't help but be a little paranoid about it. It's not because I have so little faith. It's probably because I'm a sucker for doomsday predictions, and I can't help but think, "What if the prediction is right?" December 21, 2012 came and went, and it was pretty much an uneventful day. There was no blackout. No aliens. No flood. No nothing. Late at night, the apocalyptic film, 2012, was shown in Star Movies. People regarded the film funny, now that the End of the World did not come. . . yet.

I'm sure that the End will come. But I hope that it's not so soon. I just hope there would be no more doomsday predictions because they really make me paranoid and nervous. I guess i have to strengthen my faith, because the end is uncertain. I guess this irrational fear comes from unpreparedness. I'm just glad that I survived the said Mayan Apocalypse. In 2013, i'm sure i would not waste my time on trivial things and make every moment count. We really don't know when the world will end. But we know that all good things come to an end, so we better cherish these things before it's too late.

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Vulnerable

You take time to listen to me and now
You read my soul just like you read your diary.
For a long time I have tried to figure out
What the hell is wrong with me.
I tried to learn why I tend to attract people
Who have the talent of taking advantage.
I used to believe that I am gullible.
I used to believe that I am naive.
And then you said that I was vulnerable.
And the word seemed so perfect -
A perfect description to my character flaw.
And it precisely explains why I have
The affinity to magnetize maniacs.
That's because I am vulnerable to their attacks.
And I cannot defend myself from them.

Assuming

I have never felt so stupid,
Like how I felt today.
After being successfully invisible
You caught me
And I couldn't resist you.
My mind silently screamed at me
And told me to run away,
But I didn't, and I found myself,
Walking towards you.
Your eyes have magnetized me
With it's yearning look
Which nonverbally whispered
"I want you."
Or did I just imagine it.
My defenses fell and
Before I knew it,
I made a fool of myself
With the attempt to
Exchange pleasantries
That made me look so dumb.
I wanted to say that I wanted you too.
But I couldn't
Because we both know that it's taboo.
So we contented ourselves with words unsaid
Or maybe I'm just too assuming.

A Day of Triumph

I feel that I have triumphed today
Over my restless desire to be noticed by you.
It was an ordeal for me to pass by the street
Without looking at the spot where I usually see you.
But today I was successful and I bowed my head to pray.
I stopped in my footsteps and decided to go the other way.
I held my phone and I decided not to dial your number.
I purposely tried to forget about the digits in my head
And I'm hoping that the effect of anesthesia would finally kick in.
I feel that I have triumphed today
Because I resisted the urge to look at my window
Minutes before dusk.
I decided not to watch you pass by like you always do,
As you drive your motorcycle oozing with your masculinity.
Slowing down momentarily while you give me that smile
That tells me how much you like me too.
Yes, it was an ordeal to me,
Because you have been a part of my everyday.
But I have to stop this craziness.
I have to get a hold of myself.
I feel that I have triumphed today,
Because I resisted the urge to be noticed by you.
It was difficult. But I did it.
But even though I was successful today,
In my heart, I have never felt so alone.

Magnetism

I am magnetized by your eyes.

I am magnetized by your smile.

My mind is telling me to run away,

But I always keep on coming back to you. 

I have a stronger will than this,

And I know I will have to turn my life around.

But for now, I can't help but be

Attracted to your animal magnetism.

I have to have great resolve to stay away. . . 

But my flesh is weak . . . 

My defenses crumble

Under the magic of your flowery words.

I reprimand myself for being such a sucker. 

But I guess I just like to test my limit.

And I  think I can handle trouble.

But who am I kidding?

Why can't I resist you?

Damn it.

I'm attracted to you.

RAGE

I am so angry right now that I can't put my anger into words. . .
But if words would release me from the rage that I feel,
Then there is only one word in my head that I'd like to scream.
Unfortunately it's an expletive that I couldn't even write down.
So I just have to muffle my rage as I scream with a pillow on my face,
And let the embers of my evil self die. . .
Yes, I will let the embers die,
Instead, I'll just cry,
And let the sadness take over me.

Everybody Has A Dark Side

I was watching Channel V and I saw Kelly Clarkson's new single, Dark Side. While I listened to the song, it reminded me of the things that I have been through, and how dark my past was. I am just grateful, that somebody loved me, regardless of who I were, and what I am.

I have done unimaginable things that only God knows. There were many things that I have done that I am not proud of. Life didn't issue me a memory eraser, or a time machine to rectify all the wrong things that I have done. I have learned lessons the hard way, and the only thing for me to do is to just step out from my self-constructed darkness to everlasting light that only love can give.

Barbie Business

I have reached my limit in Barbies, and I have come to a saturation point, where I have no other choice but to sell some of them so I could get my money back. Since April 24, until the present, I have sold about 104 dolls. I have made enough money to sustain me while I was jobless for the whole month of May. Selling Barbies is good business and I realized that there are many Barbie addicts out there. I have cured my Barbie addiction already, so I am not worried about spending much money on Barbies anymore. So far, I am enjoying this new business venture and I hope to expand on other toys next time. 

Here are just some of the dolls that I have sold. 

It's More Fun In The Philippines

It's More Fun In The Philippines! This is the Department of Tourism's new meme that would encourage foreigners to come visit the Philippines. Eversince the meme came out, many people have posted their own More Fun In The Philippines picture. Even I made my own.

 This is a picture of my son Ken. Behind him is the Christmas decoration in UP Los Banos.

 This is a picture of my husband in Puerto Galera.

 This is a picture of the hands of my friends piled up together after our get-together party at Bonito's in Los Banos.

This is a picture of the Ferris Wheel in the UPLB February Fair 2011. 

Making pictures like these made me even prouder to be a Filipino.

Reading is For Life

When I was three years old, my mother taught me how to read. And since then, I have loved reading. I have no idea how many books I have read, but I'm pretty sure that reading has helped me have a better life. That's the reason why I want both of my children to love reading. I hope my six year old boy, would love reading as much as I do. If he does, then I wouldn't have problems with his academics. For now, I have to train him with Dolch sight words everyday. I hope that when he turns grade 1, he will be able to learn how to read without supervision and he would be able to enjoy books on his own.

Eversince my first son was born, I have started to build his own library. I buy books from a bookstore that sells cheap children's books, and I collect them not just for my son, but for myself as well.
I hope that someday, both of my sons would be able to appreciate the magic of reading. My part is to motivate them. And I hope that with the library that I'm building, they would be motivated enough, and in the future, they will lead a better life.

So far, I have no idea how many books I have collected for them. It may be more than a hundred now. But as long as there are resources, I will continue building the library until they grow up.