The Book That Was 2012

Today I reviewed the events that happened in my life written in The Book That Was 2012. As I read through the pages of yet another chapter of my life, I discovered things about me that were both inspiring and unsettling. I figured that even I get surprised with my actions sometimes.

2012 has taught me how to ask forgiveness, especially to the ones that I have wronged before. These persons forgave me and I was able to find a little measure of peace which gave me an ultimate high. Last year I also faced my fear and had a pap smear. Going to the doctor and having some invasive test upsets me so, but I overcame, and with that, I also had a little measure of peace and will never be afraid of pap smears again.

I realized that I have read a lot of life-changing books last year, most of them were Newberry Winner awardees like The Giver and The Hundred Dresses. Unfortunately, I should have also read the Bible, which I seldom did, and I think I failed God in that aspect. I also was able to watch a lot of movies last year, like The Avengers, The Hunger Games and Rurouni Kenshin, but now I realize that I should have done more important things, like learning how to drive a car, or learning how to swim.

2012 has given me carnal temptations which I have fought valiantly. I realized that the devil will try to oppress you with these kind of things, but I remained faithful, because I fear God and I have love. But I also had moments of weakness and because of that I remember that I would just sit in a corner and cry uncontrollably because of my low self-esteem and self guilt.

I have learned how to let go of someone I love so that he would be able to achieve his dreams and have self-fulfillment and self-respect. I realized that letting go was hell at first, but it gets easy with time.

Reading The Book That Was 2012 has made me realize a lot of things that I need to improve on, like my patience for example. There were a lot of things that I accomplished, but I realized that I could have accomplished more. This 2013, I will strive to be better. I will learn from my mistakes and continue to do the good things that I have done before. I will learn new things and spend more time on things that matter. I can't wait to write my next chapter.

I Love My Job

One thing I learned in life is that no matter how your job seems to suck, you have to love it. You should wake up every morning and psych yourself by saying, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." Say it like an incantation, and try to convince yourself. 

Who says that working would be easy? Sooner or later, you will come to realize that working is not just all about the money. If you're an elementary school teacher like me, prepare to NEVER get materially rich. But, remember this: Ten years from now, when you see your students all grown up and successful, you will come to realize that being a teacher is not so bad after all. Finally, the realization would sink in and then you would be able to say now, with conviction, that you really DO LOVE your job. 

There are perks to being an elementary school teacher. There are perks to your current job. . . maybe you just have to wait for quite a while to find out, so, don't you just quit yet.

Here Come The Businessmen

It's the Christmas season once again. Here come the businessmen! Apparently, people forget what Christmas is about. Some use the Christmas season as an opportunity to do business. It's sad, but true. Everywhere you look, establishments like department stores commercialize Christmas and promote consumerism and materialism. Businessmen work double time during Christmas to sell unimportant things to people. People in return get suckered into buying things that they don't need. They get suckered to buy things for other people even if they are not obliged.

People may argue that Christmas is a time for sharing and giving gifts so that's why they do these things. What they don't understand is that Christmas is not just about giving gifts, or charity work. What they don't understand is that Christmas has become too commercialized that its meaning has been forgotten.

What is CHRISTMAS really? Is it really Jesus' birth? Or is it just an invention to promote materialism? Do your research and then you decide. Are we really required to give gifts on Christmas day? Should we continue making these opportunists rich? The answer is up to us.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.3

My Paranoia Comes to an End

Admit it. You too have become paranoid about that Mayan End of the World thing. Whenever there's a doomsday prediction, I can't help but be a little paranoid about it. It's not because I have so little faith. It's probably because I'm a sucker for doomsday predictions, and I can't help but think, "What if the prediction is right?" December 21, 2012 came and went, and it was pretty much an uneventful day. There was no blackout. No aliens. No flood. No nothing. Late at night, the apocalyptic film, 2012, was shown in Star Movies. People regarded the film funny, now that the End of the World did not come. . . yet.

I'm sure that the End will come. But I hope that it's not so soon. I just hope there would be no more doomsday predictions because they really make me paranoid and nervous. I guess i have to strengthen my faith, because the end is uncertain. I guess this irrational fear comes from unpreparedness. I'm just glad that I survived the said Mayan Apocalypse. In 2013, i'm sure i would not waste my time on trivial things and make every moment count. We really don't know when the world will end. But we know that all good things come to an end, so we better cherish these things before it's too late.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.3

Vulnerable

You take time to listen to me and now
You read my soul just like you read your diary.
For a long time I have tried to figure out
What the hell is wrong with me.
I tried to learn why I tend to attract people
Who have the talent of taking advantage.
I used to believe that I am gullible.
I used to believe that I am naive.
And then you said that I was vulnerable.
And the word seemed so perfect -
A perfect description to my character flaw.
And it precisely explains why I have
The affinity to magnetize maniacs.
That's because I am vulnerable to their attacks.
And I cannot defend myself from them.

Assuming

I have never felt so stupid,
Like how I felt today.
After being successfully invisible
You caught me
And I couldn't resist you.
My mind silently screamed at me
And told me to run away,
But I didn't, and I found myself,
Walking towards you.
Your eyes have magnetized me
With it's yearning look
Which nonverbally whispered
"I want you."
Or did I just imagine it.
My defenses fell and
Before I knew it,
I made a fool of myself
With the attempt to
Exchange pleasantries
That made me look so dumb.
I wanted to say that I wanted you too.
But I couldn't
Because we both know that it's taboo.
So we contented ourselves with words unsaid
Or maybe I'm just too assuming.

A Day of Triumph

I feel that I have triumphed today
Over my restless desire to be noticed by you.
It was an ordeal for me to pass by the street
Without looking at the spot where I usually see you.
But today I was successful and I bowed my head to pray.
I stopped in my footsteps and decided to go the other way.
I held my phone and I decided not to dial your number.
I purposely tried to forget about the digits in my head
And I'm hoping that the effect of anesthesia would finally kick in.
I feel that I have triumphed today
Because I resisted the urge to look at my window
Minutes before dusk.
I decided not to watch you pass by like you always do,
As you drive your motorcycle oozing with your masculinity.
Slowing down momentarily while you give me that smile
That tells me how much you like me too.
Yes, it was an ordeal to me,
Because you have been a part of my everyday.
But I have to stop this craziness.
I have to get a hold of myself.
I feel that I have triumphed today,
Because I resisted the urge to be noticed by you.
It was difficult. But I did it.
But even though I was successful today,
In my heart, I have never felt so alone.

Magnetism

I am magnetized by your eyes.

I am magnetized by your smile.

My mind is telling me to run away,

But I always keep on coming back to you. 

I have a stronger will than this,

And I know I will have to turn my life around.

But for now, I can't help but be

Attracted to your animal magnetism.

I have to have great resolve to stay away. . . 

But my flesh is weak . . . 

My defenses crumble

Under the magic of your flowery words.

I reprimand myself for being such a sucker. 

But I guess I just like to test my limit.

And I  think I can handle trouble.

But who am I kidding?

Why can't I resist you?

Damn it.

I'm attracted to you.

RAGE

I am so angry right now that I can't put my anger into words. . .
But if words would release me from the rage that I feel,
Then there is only one word in my head that I'd like to scream.
Unfortunately it's an expletive that I couldn't even write down.
So I just have to muffle my rage as I scream with a pillow on my face,
And let the embers of my evil self die. . .
Yes, I will let the embers die,
Instead, I'll just cry,
And let the sadness take over me.

Everybody Has A Dark Side

I was watching Channel V and I saw Kelly Clarkson's new single, Dark Side. While I listened to the song, it reminded me of the things that I have been through, and how dark my past was. I am just grateful, that somebody loved me, regardless of who I were, and what I am.

I have done unimaginable things that only God knows. There were many things that I have done that I am not proud of. Life didn't issue me a memory eraser, or a time machine to rectify all the wrong things that I have done. I have learned lessons the hard way, and the only thing for me to do is to just step out from my self-constructed darkness to everlasting light that only love can give.