Thoughts of an Airforce Marine at 0230 HRS

He is contemplating At around 2:30 in the morning Of how his life would be. Ten to twenty years from now, Would he really be happy? His defenses are slowly crumbling Beneath his own fortesss of improvised tenacity. How could he feel despondent while Drinking coffee at 2:30? Though he would want to take Some more rest, He could not let himself give in to the stupor. Was she thinking about him This early in the morning? He thought in silence. Or was he just wishing that she was doing so. He did not know. He shook his head in ignorance. He did not know. He sipped his coffee contentedly, But with utmost distaste, Everything had not been the same Since he had let her slip away. He has been suffering From wanting to fill his deficiency With memories of her face. But the colors around him Had been nothing but grey. It's only an hour and a half more Before his day begins and starts, Ironically, he just can't wait To live life without his heart. Another day with his Tomcat, Eagle, and Air Combat Fighter, He made himself believe That his air companions Could make it easy To live life without her. His conscience could only stare back at him As he looked at his own disheveled form. He's a soldier fighting a battle In his own desert storm. He has been trained to be a sociopath In times when that attractive rainbow Rises in showers of blood. And he knew his alter ego Would have difficulty to conform After manslaughter floods. It's been 2:30 for an almost Seemingly endless session of deliberation. Time has been contained in suspended animation. He is contemplating at around 2:30 AM Of how his life would be Without someone to hold by his side. In the future, how could he choose Between love and war when nations collide? As manly tears fell from his face, While he desperately held on to his aching heart, He suddenly found the answer To the most difficult of his questions. He knew it was only right to leave her And walk in the other direction. He loved her so much To see her cry over his accidental heroism, He would rather suffer alone Than to let her suffer over him. (March 17, 2001)