The American Dream

When I was still a kid, and when I still had no sense of Philippine nationalism, I have always wanted to go to America. I was told that all the good stuff was in that country, and being another nationality other than being American is second rate. People around me have influenced me to have the American dream - my father being the biggest promoter. He would usually talk to me in a tone with suggestive materialism. His words betrayed the envy his heart concealed. Out of respect, I wanted to fulfill his desire by making the American dream also my own. My father said to me one time, “Wow! Your cousin in North Carolina has already her own house! She also has her own car and even has her own apartment.” He said that with the obvious intent of making me crave the material blessings my cousin is now enjoying. When he said that, his purpose was to tug at my materialistic human nature and hope that I would strive to have the same amount of wealth. And then, my father would add, “Your cousin has given her parents free plane tickets to visit her at North Carolina. . . I wonder when I would be able to go to United States of America.” Sometimes my father says things with a great deal of insensitivity. Maybe by saying his wishes out loud, by some miracle, I just might make it come true for him. Life in the United States is very promising indeed. Who wouldn’t want to live in America? The salary you would get is ten times bigger than what you get here. After graduation, I thought of a thousand and one ways on how to get there. Some of my ideas were actually feasible and reasonable. Some were just plain stupid and insane. If I just exerted an enormous amount of effort into any of those workable solutions, I might have been in America right after I graduated. First option was getting a scholarship. The second was finding an agency to help me find a teaching career in any of the states. Third was getting my cousin to help me with my applications. The most desperate option was finding an American guy to love me and marry me. However, I didn’t push through to any one of them, because sooner, I realized that I wouldn’t be happy fulfilling somebody else’s dream. When I tried to assess my present situation here, I had an epiphany - Not all the world is America. The world is where you are. These are famous words from a Filipino National Artist. It’s true. The grass is no more greener than the other side. I have decided to follow my mother’s advice that I should be thankful with what I already have. Right now, I could say that I am lucky to have a job close to home. I am lucky that I am not desperate enough for money to leave my Filipino identity just to make a living. I guess I am a big disappointment to my father who hopes that I could somehow fulfill his dream for him. I don’t regret not being able to go to America. I have no desire for it anymore. The cold temperature is discouragement enough. Discrimination makes it even worse. If ever I would go there, it would be for leisure and not for work. I would rather stay in my homeland with a meager salary than slave-off in a different country without my family. Better yet, I would rather be a first rate Filipino, than a second rate American wannabe.