Vulnerable

You take time to listen to me and now
You read my soul just like you read your diary.
For a long time I have tried to figure out
What the hell is wrong with me.
I tried to learn why I tend to attract people
Who have the talent of taking advantage.
I used to believe that I am gullible.
I used to believe that I am naive.
And then you said that I was vulnerable.
And the word seemed so perfect -
A perfect description to my character flaw.
And it precisely explains why I have
The affinity to magnetize maniacs.
That's because I am vulnerable to their attacks.
And I cannot defend myself from them.

Assuming

I have never felt so stupid,
Like how I felt today.
After being successfully invisible
You caught me
And I couldn't resist you.
My mind silently screamed at me
And told me to run away,
But I didn't, and I found myself,
Walking towards you.
Your eyes have magnetized me
With it's yearning look
Which nonverbally whispered
"I want you."
Or did I just imagine it.
My defenses fell and
Before I knew it,
I made a fool of myself
With the attempt to
Exchange pleasantries
That made me look so dumb.
I wanted to say that I wanted you too.
But I couldn't
Because we both know that it's taboo.
So we contented ourselves with words unsaid
Or maybe I'm just too assuming.

A Day of Triumph

I feel that I have triumphed today
Over my restless desire to be noticed by you.
It was an ordeal for me to pass by the street
Without looking at the spot where I usually see you.
But today I was successful and I bowed my head to pray.
I stopped in my footsteps and decided to go the other way.
I held my phone and I decided not to dial your number.
I purposely tried to forget about the digits in my head
And I'm hoping that the effect of anesthesia would finally kick in.
I feel that I have triumphed today
Because I resisted the urge to look at my window
Minutes before dusk.
I decided not to watch you pass by like you always do,
As you drive your motorcycle oozing with your masculinity.
Slowing down momentarily while you give me that smile
That tells me how much you like me too.
Yes, it was an ordeal to me,
Because you have been a part of my everyday.
But I have to stop this craziness.
I have to get a hold of myself.
I feel that I have triumphed today,
Because I resisted the urge to be noticed by you.
It was difficult. But I did it.
But even though I was successful today,
In my heart, I have never felt so alone.

Magnetism

I am magnetized by your eyes.

I am magnetized by your smile.

My mind is telling me to run away,

But I always keep on coming back to you. 

I have a stronger will than this,

And I know I will have to turn my life around.

But for now, I can't help but be

Attracted to your animal magnetism.

I have to have great resolve to stay away. . . 

But my flesh is weak . . . 

My defenses crumble

Under the magic of your flowery words.

I reprimand myself for being such a sucker. 

But I guess I just like to test my limit.

And I  think I can handle trouble.

But who am I kidding?

Why can't I resist you?

Damn it.

I'm attracted to you.