If It's Love by Train

Train's If It's Love is one of the best love songs I have ever heard. Thanks to my cousin who shared it to me via Facebook. Love you girl! She really knows my kind of music. So now, I am sharing it also to the whole world. Maybe I could do a cover version of this. It's really great! I hope you'll like it.

If It's Love

by Train

While everybody else is getting out of bed I'm usually getting in it I'm not in it to win it And there's a thousand ways you can skin it My feet have been on the floor Flat like an idle singer Remember winger I digress I confess you are the best thing in my life But I'm afraid when I hear stories About a husband and wife There's no happy endings No Henry Lee But you are the greatest thing about me [Chorus] If it's love And we decide that it's forever No one else could do it better If it's love And we're two birds of a feather Then the rest is just whenever And if I'm addicted to loving you And you're addicted to my love too We can be them two birds of a feather That flock together Love, love Got to have something to keep us together Love, Love That's enough for me Took a loan on a house I own Can't be a queen bee without a bee throne I wanna buy ya everything Except cologne 'cause it's poison We can travel to Spain where the rain falls Mainly on the plain side and sing 'cause it is we can laugh we can sing Have ten kids and give them everything Hold our cell phones up in the air And just be glad we made it here alive On a spinning ball in the middle of space I love you from your toes to your face [Chorus] You can move in I won't ask where you've been 'cause everybody has a past When we're older We'll do it all over again When everybody else is getting out of bed I'm usually getting in it I'm not in it to win it I'm in it for you If it's love And we're two birds of a feather Then the rest is just whenever Then the rest is just whenever If it's love And we decide that it's forever No one else could do it better And if I'm addicted to loving you And you're addicted to my love too We can be them two birds of a feather That flock together Love, love Got to have something to keep us together Love, love Got to have something to keep us together Love, love That's enough for me [Download MP3]

I Am Number Four

When I first heard of the title of this movie, "I Am Number Four", I didn't know what it was all about. I said to myself, "Why number four? Why not number one? Everyone wants to be number one!" Well, this only shows my ignorance.

Since March, I have been instructed by the doctor to stay indoors and have bedrest because I have a complicated pregnancy. So, I was shut from the world and I didn't know the latest movie events, or books, or whatever. Only in Facebook did I see this I Am Number Four thing. I got curious so I researched about it. Found out it was a movie starring Alex Pettyfer. Now, anything with Alex Pettyfer is sure to be hot, so I'm excited to watch the movie on DVD and see how it goes.

Then just recently, I found out that I Am Number Four is actually taken from a book written by Pittacus Lore. Knowing that, I have decided to read the book first before watching the movie. I'm sure that the movie would be a total letdown again. Let's admit it... the book is ALWAYS better than the movie, (well except for Lord of The Rings).

I have read the prologue of the book, and so far, I think that it's interesting. I just hope that it won't be a waste of my time though. The movie looks interesting enough, but like I said, I have to read the book first.

Reminiscing Roswell

When I was young, I used to watch a lot of TV shows. Among them are Ally McBeal, Friends, Felicity, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and Roswell. I wasn't a very avid fan of Roswell so I wasn't able to watch it on a regular basis. Maybe the reason why I wasn't that much of a fan is because I wasn't able to watch the pilot episode of the series so it made me lose interest.

A few years back, DVD's became a trend. It now gave me an opportunity to watch the episodes that I missed in the series that I was interested in. I decided to buy a complete set of Roswell a few years ago, but it was only just recently that I was able to watch it in the complete privacy of my room.

While I was watching the pilot episode of Roswell, it made me feel like a teenager again. It gave me the same feeling when I saw Edward saving Bella from the car. In the series, Max Evans saved Liz Parker from a gunshot. He healed her with his alien abilities, thus risking exposure. It has the same concept as Twilight. Edward saved Bella, thus risking exposure of his being a vampire. Wow!!!

I watched six episodes straight and while I am still enjoying my extended vacation, I plan to finish the series. After all, I gave my second son the same name, so might as well know what "Roswell" is all about. So far, watching Roswell has released some "happy hormones" in my body. It's a good sign. At least I get to temporarily escape from my mundane activities at home.

The Roswell TV series doesn't make me believe that there are aliens among us . . . but I guess it tells us that the truth is out there somewhere. We just have to discover it for ourselves.

Tuna Vegeroni (May 8, 2005)

So what is tuna vegeroni? It’s a delicious dish that I invented myself. I’m not a chef, and I didn’t have formal cooking lessons, but surprisingly, because of my love for my friends, I came up with a healthy recipe which is not only low in calories, but tastes good as well.

Believe me, I have done a lot of food fiascos that I’m not proud of. There was one time that I made vermicelli with spaghetti sauce and it tasted terrible! Even the cat wouldn’t eat it! But things have improved since then. Without the aid of recipe books, I could now cook - and to tell you quite frankly, you don’t need knowledge . . . you just need imagination and lots of love to make your food successful.

Here are the ingredients in my famous TUNA VEGERONI:

One pack San Remo Vegeroni Pasta

Two cans of Century Tuna in Vegtable Oil

A quarter of Cream Cheese

Two boxes of Nestle All Purpose Cream

One can of Sliced Button Mushrooms

A Sprinkle of Onion Powder

4 tablespoons of Olive Oil

Directions:

Boil the pasta in a pot and allow it to simmer for 7 to 8 minutes.

In a frying pan, heat the olive oil and melt the cheese. After the cheese melts, add the tuna (include the vegetable oil) and let it simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occassionaly. Add the mushrooms then the cream. And heat until all the cream melts. Add onion powder to taste. And voila!!! You have your tuna vegeroni!

Happy cooking!!!

The Clock is Ticking and I Don’t Have a Goddam Watch!

(This is Chapter 2 of our alternate ending for Meyer’s saga. This is still Jacob’s POV).

THE CLOCK IS TICKING AND I DON’T HAVE A GODDAM WATCH

Day number 5.

I sat in the couch with Seth beside me. I flicked through the remote of our crappy TV without much thought. I might have gone through all of the channels several times and I felt Seth shift uncomfortably beside me. He’s obviously pissed that I couldn’t stick to one freaking channel, but he knows better than to react. It must have been almost an hour when I decided to stop the stupid charade. I turned the TV off and looked at Seth.

“So tell me Seth,” I started carefully. I didn’t want to give away how I felt. I don’t want to make a scene just like yesterday with Paul. That was way too embarrassing. I wanted to sound as indifferent as possible. I knew I could do this. Seth waited for me to finish. I knew he knew what I was thinking. As a human, I think I’m very much transparent - no big difference from being a wolf.

“How’s erm . . .” I began to ask but my voice trailed off. I couldn’t get myself to finish what I wanted to say.

“Bella?” How’s Bella?” Seth finished for me. Seth knows me too well. I looked at him. Eager expectation must have been mirrored in my eyes.

“You know she’s getting married in three days.” Seth said a-matter-of-factly. It didn’t sound as insensitive as Paul might have put it. I nodded, not knowing what to say next. Seth might have noticed the uncomfortable silence so he added,

“Edward loves her more than you’ll ever know. All the Cullens love her too- they wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

I wanted to argue with Seth especially at his last sentence, but it was pointless. The boy has developed a strange liking to Edward. Even I’m not sure where his loyalty is now. But somehow, I knew that he was right.

Edward didn’t want Bella to be like the bloodsucker that he is now. He made that clear when we talked that night inside the tent with Bella cuddled close to me. Now that was a nice memory. Edward Cullen, being the gentleman, erm . . gentle-leech that he is, would never do anything to hurt Bella. As a matter of fact, Edward would do anything just to make her happy. Ironically, the only thing that would make Bella happy is when she becomes an abomination herself. I could only smile ruefully at the ugliness of it.

Edward would be forced to do the very thing he promised himself that he won’t do. He would bite her, poison her, hurt her, let her burn, and take away her soul. He would do this because he wants to make her happy, except that he’ll be calling himself an idiot for giving in to her whim. I, on the other hand would be planning Edward’s cremation because he would be sooooo DEAD. I would kill him myself. Sheesh! Bella has such a messed-up mind. Totally masochistic.

“Don’t punish yourself Jake.” Seth said gently. “You cannot do anything about it. It’s her choice.” I knew Seth just wanted me to understand and accept what has already been decided. It was clear as day: Bella chose Edward over me, even if I already gave her an option to think over.

But have I really been convincing? Convincing enough to make her think about her decision not just twice, but thrice or even four times? I needed to see her - make her see that I am everything that she wants, and I am everything that she needs. She didn’t need to be anything but herself for me. I am able to give her a normal life - a life that she deserves.

Seth looked at me quizzically. “What are you thinking Jake?” he asked quite suspiciously. “I hope you’re not thinking about anything stupid.” The certainty in his voice made me smile inwardly.

“Ofcourse not.” I said a little defensively. The words sounded like a big fat lie.

Is it so stupid to let Bella realize that she’s making a big mistake? I am not yet too late to make her see me. I still might be able to save her. How many hours before the wedding? 60 to 70 hours? At times like this, I wish I had a talking watch to reamind me every freaking hour, minute and seconds to Bella’s doomsday.

I knew from Seth’s look that he was analyzing me. Maybe he’s frustrated that we’re not in our wolf form so he could hear my thoughts. It’s better if he wouldn’t know. I should be careful to keep my thoughts only to myself, especially now that I’m scheming . . . plotting . . .

“Does she know I’m back?” I asked Seth. I knew the answer to that ofcourse, except it was still nice to hear someone confirm what I already know.

“Yes she does.” Seth replied. ”Except Alice has been hovering over her, now that the wedding is just days away,” he added, although I’m not sure why he did. I didn’t ask him anything.

Ofcourse. Hovering over Bella was so typical of Alice - that control freaking leech!.

Then there was an awkward silence. Seth wanted to tell me something more, I could tell. Maybe he’s just arranging the words in his head so he could say it right. Or maybe he’s deliberating whether he’ll tell me or not - whether by telling me, I would somehow feel better, or by not telling me, I would be saved from future pain.

“Uh Jake,” Seth started. Gee, it sounded more serious than I thought. “I don’t know if it’s just my imagination, but I feel that Bella . . . ” Seth paused. Maybe he thought that telling me wasn’t a good idea after all.

I held my breath, waiting for Seth to say more. He didn’t and then he stood up.

“Seth, what? You feel that Bella. . . what?” My own words sounded retarded with all the emotions bubbling out. I was excited. Curious. Hopeful.

“Never mind.” Seth said flatly. I was suddenly pissed at him for letting me hang like that. “I gotta go Jake,” he added quite hurriedly as he walked towards the door.

“Oh no you don’t!” I snarled at him as I pulled the back of his pants. “Tell. Me. What. You. Know!” I said slowly through gritted teeth, emphasizing each word for the desired sinister effect. Although Seth was tall, I clearly towered over him.

Seth knew I wouldn’t let it go, so he went back to the couch, obviously silently reprimanding himself for having such a big mouth.

“There’s nothing to say Jake. It’s just my opinion about Bells. It doesn’t matter.” Seth said, trying to convince me to let the matter drop.

“It matters to me Seth.” I told him. Everything that concerns Bella matters to me.

Seth gave an exasperated sigh. He knew it was useless to argue with me. “OK Jacob - here’s what I think,” he paused for a little drama. I waited for him to start.

“Although the choice has been made - Bella wants to marry Edward, but you know what’s weird? I THINK that Bella is having some doubts.” I knew it took Seth a lot of guts to say his opinion.

“How do you know this Seth?”

“Whenever I see her . . . ”

“You always see her?”

“Well, someone has to look after her while you’re missing in action Jake.”

“So it means you’re the self-appointed- protector- of- Bella- while- Jake- is away now, huh?

“You could say that. Anyway . . .”

“Whenever I see her, I just sense it. I don’t have to ask her to know. I just do. Her eyes give her away. Eversince you left, there was no spark to them. No enthusiasm. You have been so much a part of her life that when you went away, it kinda’ killed a part of her. Kinda’ killed the spark, you know what I’m saying.

“When she learned that you came back, I saw the spark in her eyes again. I know she’s been meaning to see you Jake, except Alice is always all over her.”

I was stunned at the implication of what Seth had said. Bella is having some doubts! Hah! Wow! That was the best news I’ve ever heard in like FOREVER. A sly smile crept along my face.

“Hey Jake. Don’t keep your hopes up. I might have just imagined everything you know. I’m not a mind reader like that bloodsucker so I can’t be sure. You know how complicated that girl is.”

Complicated is truly an understatement. Before Seth could say another word, I dragged him outside the house and went directly to our little garage where Bella and I shared wonderful moments together. I took the motorcycle outside. I almost carried it with my bare hands because of my excitement.

“Get on the bike Seth,” I said as I stepped on the clutch. “We’re going to save a life.” Seth looked at me like I was a sicko.

“Geez Jake. You could at least put a shirt on! Are you crazy? You can’t drive around being half naked and all.”

Seth was right. I couldn’t go driving around half-naked with him behind me. That would be humiliating. Ofcourse it was sensible to go back inside the house to get a freaking shirt and waste precious minutes. But instead of going back, I stepped on the pedal and left Seth staring after me.

My Life Is So Screwed Up Right Now I Just Want To Pee In My Pants

(This is from Jacob’s point of view. It’s a rough draft. This chapter is supposed to come after Stephenie Meyer’s Eclipse. This is sort of an alternate ending to the Twilight saga. My best friend and I were so disappointed with Meyer’s conclusion to the saga, we just had to create another one, just so we could have peace of mind. It’s crazy, I know. But anyway, please feel free to comment).

MY LIFE IS SO SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT TO PEE IN MY PANTS

Aargh! It’s no use! Even as a wolf I can’t get my self to forget about . . . what’s-her-face? what’s-her-name? Oh, yeah right, Bella is it?

Crap! I am so bad at this forgetting thing. Who am I kidding? I sighed in spite of myself. Bella’s face, Bella’s smell, Bella’s touch - everything about Bella was still so vivid in my now intellectually challenged brain. Oh, and how could I forget Bella’s kiss? The swe-eet (make that two syllables) memory of it has automatically superglued itself to my wasted animalistic personality. It felt like a mortal sin to even try to forget. I couldn’t get rid of the memories, and the harder I try, the more painful it gets. Oh I wish somebody would just beat the crap out of me until I pee in my pants. Maybe by doing the laundry, I could forget Bella and the bloodsucker she chose over me. Dang! What the hell was she thinking? I am way too much better than a cold-blooded yucky leech. Blech!

All the while, I thought phasing into a wolf would make my grieving easier. At least I wouldn’t have to shed one freaking human tear. But being other than what I really am has made me more miserable. With all the voices in my head - Seth, Leah, Quil, Embry, Sam, and the rest of the pack - it was enough to drive me crazy! Sheesh! Can’t I be lonely by myself? I have told them not to follow me, but did they listen? No…

So here I am, back to being a pathetic broken-hearted human. Running away as a wolf was just a temporary fix to my totally screwed up love life. I have to do do something about this. Forgetting Bella was Plan A. Well, I guess that didn’t work, so now I have no choice but to initiate Plan B. The problem is, I still have no Plan B.

Hmmm… What to do? What to do? Oh, I forgot, Bella Swan has left me mentally incapacitated for the last few weeks. I haven’t really thought of anything eversince I came back to La Push. It’s been almost a week since I embraced my human-self- the part of me that I tried so hard to forget. Being human hasn’t done me any good except give me a heartache that I can’t even try to mend. Bella would rather spend her lifetime with someone inhuman. Sheesh! And she wouldn’t even want to pick a cool wolf? She’d rather have that mother-sucking bloody corpse! Dang! Even the profanity I want to say wouldn’t come out right! For crying out loud! I thought Bella would know better than to choose Edward Cullen.

I gritted my teeth as I remeber the oh-so-perfect-face Bella has chosen over me, and the oh-so-perfect-immortal life- Edward has in store for her. I so desperately wanted to get rid of him so I could save Bella, have Bella - but I couldn’t do that without enough reason. Edward Cullen hasn’t broken the treaty yet. Attacking Edward now would be against the agreement between my great grandfather Ephraim Black and Carlisle Cullen. Stupid treaty! Screw the treaty! Dang!

Sam Uley wouldn’t approve ofcourse, being the high alpha that he is. He would instantly know what’s in my mind once I phase back into a wolf and carry out my evil plan. No. I shouldn’t even be thinking about ripping Edward’s head off. Definitely that wouldn’t be my plan B. It’s a nice plan, but not my number one priority.

For four days now I have forced myself to shun the memory of Bella’s suicidal dream, but with very little success. Eversince I came back, Quil, Embry, Paul and Seth have been driving me nuts; constantly nagging me to go here and go there; to do this and to do that; they wouldn’t leave me alone unless I do what they want or convince them that I’m fine. I couldn’t fool them ofcourse. They knew I wasn’t the same funny old Jacob. Even in our human form, I guess they could read my mind and feel my pain. Ah, the beauty of being in a pack. They would do anything to make me feel that I am not alone.

Later, Paul would drop by and raid our refrigerator again. Or maybe he would attempt to force me into wrestling him just so he could prove his strength. Seth, as a matter of fact, just left a few minutes ago because Leah had him something to do. I think Sam has got this all figured out. I’m beginning to think he has something to do with my friends’ visiting schedule. For four days I haven’t been really alone to mull over things that are unspeakable. But now, with Seth gone, and I have a few minutes by myself, I am able to think. I am able to remember.

I love you Jacob! But I’m not in love with you. Bella’s words rang clear in my head, a reverberating echo that numbed my senses. I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I fight back the tears that I swore not to shed. Bella loves me. That’s all that matters. I don’t care if she’s not in-love with me. I love her, and I know that I could still make her fall.

My illusion has suddenly been shattered by someone entering through our front door. It was Paul, I know his smell well enough to recognize him. I silently groaned as he peeped inside my room. Was he checking on me? Well ofcourse he was, why else would he be here.

“Stand up you lazy bone!” Paul said with a chuckle. “We’re going cliff-diving!” he added a little too enthusiastically.

I got up, debating internally whether I would make this hard for him or I would do as he say. I knew I wouldn’t win but it’s fun to see Paul struggle.

“You go on along Paul, I don’t feel like cliff-diving today.” I said to him honestly.

“Oh c’mon Jake!” Paul complained. “You need this man,” he continued to reason out but I could tell that he was trying to find the right words to convince me. I decided to make his job a little more challenging. Maybe I could throw in a little drama.

“You know what I need Paul. You know WHO I need.” I said the words with enough conviction just so I could get through to my point. The whole pack knows exactly who would make me feel better, but I dared not voice the name out loud. Everybody knew who I was referring to.

“Jeez Jake!” Paul said in exasperation. “Give it a rest, ok? It’s not like you imprinted on her. She’s getting married to a bloodsucker - might as well treat her like one of the cold ones now.”

Every word Paul uttered was like a dagger stabbing the center of my very being. I squinted my eyey forcing back the tears, but there was so much truth to Paul’s words, it hurts like hell just to hear it. I felt a river stream down my face.

She is getting married to the blood sucker. She is going to be one of them. Bella’s choice has decided her fate. Soon, she would turn into something despicable. Even with Bella’s consent, I would not let that leech turn her into an abomination. He wouldn’t dare. That would be breaking the treaty. He would have to kill me first.

My hands were shaking at the thought of Edward sinking his teeth to Bella’s neck and turning her into one of them. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I knew I had to control myself, but I could feel my heartbeat go into a frenzy. Paul sensed it too. He threw his massive arms around me like a big Boa Constrictor, restraining me from my own outrage.

“Chill Jake. No need to be emotional.” Paul said with concern. I took a deep breath and felt that my shaking has stopped. It took me a few minutes to keep my emotions in check. I sighed in resignation. Maybe cliff-diving was a good idea after all.

“Sorry Jacob. I didn’t mean - ” Paul apologized but I interrupted him.

“Save it Paul, don’t worry about it.”

I went out the door, with Paul behind me. I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. I suddenly felt like I had no strength. What else should I do? Where else could I go? If I stay here, I’d just think about her more. Paul was right. Maybe I should give it a rest - but just for today. Cliff diving might get my mind off things.

Transferring My Friendster Blog

It sucks that Friendster is shutting down. And it is also a hassle that I have to transfer my friendster blog to this site. It feels like I'm transferring to a new home. And I sure am gonna miss Friendster and all the testimonials I had there. Goodbye Friendster.