The Clock is Ticking and I Don’t Have a Goddam Watch!

(This is Chapter 2 of our alternate ending for Meyer’s saga. This is still Jacob’s POV).

THE CLOCK IS TICKING AND I DON’T HAVE A GODDAM WATCH

Day number 5.

I sat in the couch with Seth beside me. I flicked through the remote of our crappy TV without much thought. I might have gone through all of the channels several times and I felt Seth shift uncomfortably beside me. He’s obviously pissed that I couldn’t stick to one freaking channel, but he knows better than to react. It must have been almost an hour when I decided to stop the stupid charade. I turned the TV off and looked at Seth.

“So tell me Seth,” I started carefully. I didn’t want to give away how I felt. I don’t want to make a scene just like yesterday with Paul. That was way too embarrassing. I wanted to sound as indifferent as possible. I knew I could do this. Seth waited for me to finish. I knew he knew what I was thinking. As a human, I think I’m very much transparent - no big difference from being a wolf.

“How’s erm . . .” I began to ask but my voice trailed off. I couldn’t get myself to finish what I wanted to say.

“Bella?” How’s Bella?” Seth finished for me. Seth knows me too well. I looked at him. Eager expectation must have been mirrored in my eyes.

“You know she’s getting married in three days.” Seth said a-matter-of-factly. It didn’t sound as insensitive as Paul might have put it. I nodded, not knowing what to say next. Seth might have noticed the uncomfortable silence so he added,

“Edward loves her more than you’ll ever know. All the Cullens love her too- they wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

I wanted to argue with Seth especially at his last sentence, but it was pointless. The boy has developed a strange liking to Edward. Even I’m not sure where his loyalty is now. But somehow, I knew that he was right.

Edward didn’t want Bella to be like the bloodsucker that he is now. He made that clear when we talked that night inside the tent with Bella cuddled close to me. Now that was a nice memory. Edward Cullen, being the gentleman, erm . . gentle-leech that he is, would never do anything to hurt Bella. As a matter of fact, Edward would do anything just to make her happy. Ironically, the only thing that would make Bella happy is when she becomes an abomination herself. I could only smile ruefully at the ugliness of it.

Edward would be forced to do the very thing he promised himself that he won’t do. He would bite her, poison her, hurt her, let her burn, and take away her soul. He would do this because he wants to make her happy, except that he’ll be calling himself an idiot for giving in to her whim. I, on the other hand would be planning Edward’s cremation because he would be sooooo DEAD. I would kill him myself. Sheesh! Bella has such a messed-up mind. Totally masochistic.

“Don’t punish yourself Jake.” Seth said gently. “You cannot do anything about it. It’s her choice.” I knew Seth just wanted me to understand and accept what has already been decided. It was clear as day: Bella chose Edward over me, even if I already gave her an option to think over.

But have I really been convincing? Convincing enough to make her think about her decision not just twice, but thrice or even four times? I needed to see her - make her see that I am everything that she wants, and I am everything that she needs. She didn’t need to be anything but herself for me. I am able to give her a normal life - a life that she deserves.

Seth looked at me quizzically. “What are you thinking Jake?” he asked quite suspiciously. “I hope you’re not thinking about anything stupid.” The certainty in his voice made me smile inwardly.

“Ofcourse not.” I said a little defensively. The words sounded like a big fat lie.

Is it so stupid to let Bella realize that she’s making a big mistake? I am not yet too late to make her see me. I still might be able to save her. How many hours before the wedding? 60 to 70 hours? At times like this, I wish I had a talking watch to reamind me every freaking hour, minute and seconds to Bella’s doomsday.

I knew from Seth’s look that he was analyzing me. Maybe he’s frustrated that we’re not in our wolf form so he could hear my thoughts. It’s better if he wouldn’t know. I should be careful to keep my thoughts only to myself, especially now that I’m scheming . . . plotting . . .

“Does she know I’m back?” I asked Seth. I knew the answer to that ofcourse, except it was still nice to hear someone confirm what I already know.

“Yes she does.” Seth replied. ”Except Alice has been hovering over her, now that the wedding is just days away,” he added, although I’m not sure why he did. I didn’t ask him anything.

Ofcourse. Hovering over Bella was so typical of Alice - that control freaking leech!.

Then there was an awkward silence. Seth wanted to tell me something more, I could tell. Maybe he’s just arranging the words in his head so he could say it right. Or maybe he’s deliberating whether he’ll tell me or not - whether by telling me, I would somehow feel better, or by not telling me, I would be saved from future pain.

“Uh Jake,” Seth started. Gee, it sounded more serious than I thought. “I don’t know if it’s just my imagination, but I feel that Bella . . . ” Seth paused. Maybe he thought that telling me wasn’t a good idea after all.

I held my breath, waiting for Seth to say more. He didn’t and then he stood up.

“Seth, what? You feel that Bella. . . what?” My own words sounded retarded with all the emotions bubbling out. I was excited. Curious. Hopeful.

“Never mind.” Seth said flatly. I was suddenly pissed at him for letting me hang like that. “I gotta go Jake,” he added quite hurriedly as he walked towards the door.

“Oh no you don’t!” I snarled at him as I pulled the back of his pants. “Tell. Me. What. You. Know!” I said slowly through gritted teeth, emphasizing each word for the desired sinister effect. Although Seth was tall, I clearly towered over him.

Seth knew I wouldn’t let it go, so he went back to the couch, obviously silently reprimanding himself for having such a big mouth.

“There’s nothing to say Jake. It’s just my opinion about Bells. It doesn’t matter.” Seth said, trying to convince me to let the matter drop.

“It matters to me Seth.” I told him. Everything that concerns Bella matters to me.

Seth gave an exasperated sigh. He knew it was useless to argue with me. “OK Jacob - here’s what I think,” he paused for a little drama. I waited for him to start.

“Although the choice has been made - Bella wants to marry Edward, but you know what’s weird? I THINK that Bella is having some doubts.” I knew it took Seth a lot of guts to say his opinion.

“How do you know this Seth?”

“Whenever I see her . . . ”

“You always see her?”

“Well, someone has to look after her while you’re missing in action Jake.”

“So it means you’re the self-appointed- protector- of- Bella- while- Jake- is away now, huh?

“You could say that. Anyway . . .”

“Whenever I see her, I just sense it. I don’t have to ask her to know. I just do. Her eyes give her away. Eversince you left, there was no spark to them. No enthusiasm. You have been so much a part of her life that when you went away, it kinda’ killed a part of her. Kinda’ killed the spark, you know what I’m saying.

“When she learned that you came back, I saw the spark in her eyes again. I know she’s been meaning to see you Jake, except Alice is always all over her.”

I was stunned at the implication of what Seth had said. Bella is having some doubts! Hah! Wow! That was the best news I’ve ever heard in like FOREVER. A sly smile crept along my face.

“Hey Jake. Don’t keep your hopes up. I might have just imagined everything you know. I’m not a mind reader like that bloodsucker so I can’t be sure. You know how complicated that girl is.”

Complicated is truly an understatement. Before Seth could say another word, I dragged him outside the house and went directly to our little garage where Bella and I shared wonderful moments together. I took the motorcycle outside. I almost carried it with my bare hands because of my excitement.

“Get on the bike Seth,” I said as I stepped on the clutch. “We’re going to save a life.” Seth looked at me like I was a sicko.

“Geez Jake. You could at least put a shirt on! Are you crazy? You can’t drive around being half naked and all.”

Seth was right. I couldn’t go driving around half-naked with him behind me. That would be humiliating. Ofcourse it was sensible to go back inside the house to get a freaking shirt and waste precious minutes. But instead of going back, I stepped on the pedal and left Seth staring after me.