My Life Is So Screwed Up Right Now I Just Want To Pee In My Pants

(This is from Jacob’s point of view. It’s a rough draft. This chapter is supposed to come after Stephenie Meyer’s Eclipse. This is sort of an alternate ending to the Twilight saga. My best friend and I were so disappointed with Meyer’s conclusion to the saga, we just had to create another one, just so we could have peace of mind. It’s crazy, I know. But anyway, please feel free to comment).

MY LIFE IS SO SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT TO PEE IN MY PANTS

Aargh! It’s no use! Even as a wolf I can’t get my self to forget about . . . what’s-her-face? what’s-her-name? Oh, yeah right, Bella is it?

Crap! I am so bad at this forgetting thing. Who am I kidding? I sighed in spite of myself. Bella’s face, Bella’s smell, Bella’s touch - everything about Bella was still so vivid in my now intellectually challenged brain. Oh, and how could I forget Bella’s kiss? The swe-eet (make that two syllables) memory of it has automatically superglued itself to my wasted animalistic personality. It felt like a mortal sin to even try to forget. I couldn’t get rid of the memories, and the harder I try, the more painful it gets. Oh I wish somebody would just beat the crap out of me until I pee in my pants. Maybe by doing the laundry, I could forget Bella and the bloodsucker she chose over me. Dang! What the hell was she thinking? I am way too much better than a cold-blooded yucky leech. Blech!

All the while, I thought phasing into a wolf would make my grieving easier. At least I wouldn’t have to shed one freaking human tear. But being other than what I really am has made me more miserable. With all the voices in my head - Seth, Leah, Quil, Embry, Sam, and the rest of the pack - it was enough to drive me crazy! Sheesh! Can’t I be lonely by myself? I have told them not to follow me, but did they listen? No…

So here I am, back to being a pathetic broken-hearted human. Running away as a wolf was just a temporary fix to my totally screwed up love life. I have to do do something about this. Forgetting Bella was Plan A. Well, I guess that didn’t work, so now I have no choice but to initiate Plan B. The problem is, I still have no Plan B.

Hmmm… What to do? What to do? Oh, I forgot, Bella Swan has left me mentally incapacitated for the last few weeks. I haven’t really thought of anything eversince I came back to La Push. It’s been almost a week since I embraced my human-self- the part of me that I tried so hard to forget. Being human hasn’t done me any good except give me a heartache that I can’t even try to mend. Bella would rather spend her lifetime with someone inhuman. Sheesh! And she wouldn’t even want to pick a cool wolf? She’d rather have that mother-sucking bloody corpse! Dang! Even the profanity I want to say wouldn’t come out right! For crying out loud! I thought Bella would know better than to choose Edward Cullen.

I gritted my teeth as I remeber the oh-so-perfect-face Bella has chosen over me, and the oh-so-perfect-immortal life- Edward has in store for her. I so desperately wanted to get rid of him so I could save Bella, have Bella - but I couldn’t do that without enough reason. Edward Cullen hasn’t broken the treaty yet. Attacking Edward now would be against the agreement between my great grandfather Ephraim Black and Carlisle Cullen. Stupid treaty! Screw the treaty! Dang!

Sam Uley wouldn’t approve ofcourse, being the high alpha that he is. He would instantly know what’s in my mind once I phase back into a wolf and carry out my evil plan. No. I shouldn’t even be thinking about ripping Edward’s head off. Definitely that wouldn’t be my plan B. It’s a nice plan, but not my number one priority.

For four days now I have forced myself to shun the memory of Bella’s suicidal dream, but with very little success. Eversince I came back, Quil, Embry, Paul and Seth have been driving me nuts; constantly nagging me to go here and go there; to do this and to do that; they wouldn’t leave me alone unless I do what they want or convince them that I’m fine. I couldn’t fool them ofcourse. They knew I wasn’t the same funny old Jacob. Even in our human form, I guess they could read my mind and feel my pain. Ah, the beauty of being in a pack. They would do anything to make me feel that I am not alone.

Later, Paul would drop by and raid our refrigerator again. Or maybe he would attempt to force me into wrestling him just so he could prove his strength. Seth, as a matter of fact, just left a few minutes ago because Leah had him something to do. I think Sam has got this all figured out. I’m beginning to think he has something to do with my friends’ visiting schedule. For four days I haven’t been really alone to mull over things that are unspeakable. But now, with Seth gone, and I have a few minutes by myself, I am able to think. I am able to remember.

I love you Jacob! But I’m not in love with you. Bella’s words rang clear in my head, a reverberating echo that numbed my senses. I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I fight back the tears that I swore not to shed. Bella loves me. That’s all that matters. I don’t care if she’s not in-love with me. I love her, and I know that I could still make her fall.

My illusion has suddenly been shattered by someone entering through our front door. It was Paul, I know his smell well enough to recognize him. I silently groaned as he peeped inside my room. Was he checking on me? Well ofcourse he was, why else would he be here.

“Stand up you lazy bone!” Paul said with a chuckle. “We’re going cliff-diving!” he added a little too enthusiastically.

I got up, debating internally whether I would make this hard for him or I would do as he say. I knew I wouldn’t win but it’s fun to see Paul struggle.

“You go on along Paul, I don’t feel like cliff-diving today.” I said to him honestly.

“Oh c’mon Jake!” Paul complained. “You need this man,” he continued to reason out but I could tell that he was trying to find the right words to convince me. I decided to make his job a little more challenging. Maybe I could throw in a little drama.

“You know what I need Paul. You know WHO I need.” I said the words with enough conviction just so I could get through to my point. The whole pack knows exactly who would make me feel better, but I dared not voice the name out loud. Everybody knew who I was referring to.

“Jeez Jake!” Paul said in exasperation. “Give it a rest, ok? It’s not like you imprinted on her. She’s getting married to a bloodsucker - might as well treat her like one of the cold ones now.”

Every word Paul uttered was like a dagger stabbing the center of my very being. I squinted my eyey forcing back the tears, but there was so much truth to Paul’s words, it hurts like hell just to hear it. I felt a river stream down my face.

She is getting married to the blood sucker. She is going to be one of them. Bella’s choice has decided her fate. Soon, she would turn into something despicable. Even with Bella’s consent, I would not let that leech turn her into an abomination. He wouldn’t dare. That would be breaking the treaty. He would have to kill me first.

My hands were shaking at the thought of Edward sinking his teeth to Bella’s neck and turning her into one of them. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I knew I had to control myself, but I could feel my heartbeat go into a frenzy. Paul sensed it too. He threw his massive arms around me like a big Boa Constrictor, restraining me from my own outrage.

“Chill Jake. No need to be emotional.” Paul said with concern. I took a deep breath and felt that my shaking has stopped. It took me a few minutes to keep my emotions in check. I sighed in resignation. Maybe cliff-diving was a good idea after all.

“Sorry Jacob. I didn’t mean - ” Paul apologized but I interrupted him.

“Save it Paul, don’t worry about it.”

I went out the door, with Paul behind me. I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. I suddenly felt like I had no strength. What else should I do? Where else could I go? If I stay here, I’d just think about her more. Paul was right. Maybe I should give it a rest - but just for today. Cliff diving might get my mind off things.